Plan B – so what now?

7/16/12

So I am making slow progress and definitely wondering where I will land on this journey (hopefully completely healed from Lyme). I have been reading Healing Lyme by Stephen Harrod Buhner and learning what a formidable foe Borrelia Burgdorferi really is – an amazing evolution of nature really –  incredibly adaptive it has figured out a way to sustain and spread itself despite not being able to live outside another organism.  It doesn’t live in the open air, water, soil, etc. and must live in a host to survive. It uses an impressive cycle of hosts including ticks, mosquitoes, mice, deer and other mammals like dogs, horses and humans to perpetually procreate itself. It has figured out how to capitalize on the tick feeding cycle to efficiently spread itself from host to host. It is incredibly adaptive (unfortunately!) within each human host creating several versions of itself upon “moving in” to insure that at least one version can hide from it’s host’s immune system and reproduce itself undetected. It has developed incredible protective defenses by hiding deep in tissue and creating cysts to protect itself when under assault (from antibiotics or host’s immune system) to be able to emerge later when the coast is clear and continue to happily live on in its host. One could admire this creature if not for the fact that it using all of these adaptive tricks on me. I guess it is good to know one’s enemy. Knowing this information helps a bit to be willing to continue down the treatment path (if I let up, this thing WILL get me) and to understand more why just one tool is not sufficient to fight this battle.

Since this not a short-term path, I have been working on dealing with the other things that go along with living with/healing from this disease such as patience with and acceptance of my lack of energy and the physical & mental limitations that I bump into as a result.

I am definitely working on trying to go with the flow of the journey and to trust that if I stay attuned to the path, the opportunities that present themselves and what my instincts say about them, that I will find my way.

And always I need to remind myself to be grateful and to celebrate my progress. The progress can sneak by almost unnoticed since it is often subtle and undramatic and I can be too focused at looking to reach the next benchmark of recovery and neglectful of celebrating those steps. They are indeed something to cheer. And yes, I am incredibly grateful to be making progress and oh so grateful that my Lyme was caught before I was severely ill.  I can walk and even now do some hiking, I can continue to work and to use my brain. I can play an active role in making decisions about my own treatment and pay attention to what is working. And I am thankful that I can manage to pay for my treatments (so far) and choose to go the doctor of my choice.

7/20/12

Awoke at 4:15 – whether from the aching in my fingers, my husband’s breathing machine or my naughty Lyme brain – one can have many thoughts flow through your mind before the sky starts to brighten at 5:00 am. Flow – go with the flow. Thinking of Margaret Wheatley’s writings about needing to go with the flow of the river and those who hold on too tightly to the banking will just get shredded by the current.

Get in the stream and notice what is going on. Let go of the edge. Staying in the stream and not looking for the comforts of solid ground is hard. What lessons have I been noticing? What do I do with them?

  • Treatments don’t always have to be forceful to be effective, in fact things that feel gentle can be powerfully healing. (What I’ve learned from Trager vs. regular massage and from Osteopathic manipulation vs. Chiropractic.)
  • You don’t have to completely understand something for it to work (acupuncture vs. steroids for autoimmune issue)
  • I have a powerful brain (reflection from my Trager practitioner). Ok, so this is a potential tool!
  • My body is having a hard time to fight off Borrelia even with 6 months of antibiotics and other treatments.

So I’m thinking it is time to more intentionally enlist the help of my brain. I have been teaching myself EFT to deal with the fear (how long will this last & can I beat it?) and am noticing interesting thoughts emerge when I am consciously pay attention.

I have been holding onto a card with the name of a hypnotist who helps cancer patients use their thoughts to help their body heal. I don’t know how this works but I am open to the idea that it can. Time to move from consideration to checking him out. And if not this, then something else will come my way to help me figure out how to use my brain to help my body heal. Just stay in the flow and keep your eyes open.

Extra:
Taking Astragalus to prevent Lyme is highly recommended by Stephen Harrod Buhner in Healing Lyme.  It is suggested that due it’s impact on Interlukin 2 it greatly reduces the likelihood of infection or significantly lessons the impact should infection occur.   Seems to me this is definitely something worth considering if you live, play or work in a Lyme endemic areas!

Enjoy Margaret Wheatley’s Perseverance.

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